Anything

Rachel isn't happy with her body or her love life, but she doesn't know what she can do about it. All her attempts to lose weight have failed, and, though she knows the main thing keeping her from getting into a relationship is her lack of confidence, it isn't as if she can just suddenly start thinking of herself as desirable.

When her friend, Casi, offers to help, Rachel has a decision to make. Is she willing to do literally anything to improve her life, even if that anything means enduring more embarrassment than she even comprehend?

Buy it on Amazon here: link

Anything Sample:

Chapter One

Rachel picked at her salad. Despite the beauty outside, the autumn sun shining down on the university campus, she wasn’t outside enjoying the pleasant weather. Instead, she stared wistfully out the student union window.

Across the quad, Mike sat cross-legged under one of the numerous majestic oaks dotting the landscape. His black hair was unkempt and his Polo wrinkled. His round glasses slid down his nose. He was extremely dorky but hot and muscular and manly at the same time.

Three books were spread out on the grass around him, and he jotted lines in a notebook as he went back and forth between them.

A bowhead approached him. Her sorority’s letters were emblazoned across the chest of her shirt, which was so tight that the outline of her bra traced a line across the material, and her skirt wasn’t any better, clinging to her curves and falling mere inches below her butt cheeks. Her body was perfect, of course. Flawless.

How could she even walk without showing off her panties with each step? Heck, she probably couldn’t and probably didn’t care.

Mike didn’t even appear to notice her, though, and she finally had to call out to him. When he looked up, she flipped her long blonde hair and tried to strike up a conversation with him. Her attempts obviously fell flat, though, because she left quickly.

Rachel didn’t know whether to be happy that he had rebuffed the girl’s advances or disappointed. After all, if he wasn’t interested in someone that attractive, what chance did she have?

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn’t notice company approaching until a chair at her table scraped back. When she did notice Casi sitting down, Rachel almost grimaced.

That wasn’t fair, though. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the girl … it was just that pretty brunettes with perfect bodies weren’t high on her list of desirable company at the moment.

“You look like you failed all your finals, found out you have cancer, and had your puppy die all at the same time,” Casi said.

Rachel mustered a slight grin. “Not quite that bad.”

“Let me guess, boy troubles?”

“More like lack of boy troubles.”

Casi glanced out the window. “You’re interested in Mike?”

“No. Of course not. He and I are friends.”

“Rachel’s got a cru-ush. Rachel’s got a cru-ush.”

“Stop that!”

“I’ll stop acting like a child if you do the same.”

“Fine,” Rachel said. “But, really, how I feel about him is utterly irrelevant. He doesn’t think about me in that way. Heck, he doesn’t even seem to think about all the hot girls that keep hitting on him in that way. I don’t understand it.”

“Don’t understand why he isn’t responding to you as the hot and sexy mama you are or why he’s not taking advantage of those girls?” Casi asked.

Hot and sexy mama. Yeah, right.

“Why those girls are even after him,” Rachel said. “I mean, he’s attractive enough in a geeky sort of way, but he’s no Adonis. Don’t girls like that usually prefer frat guys? I don’t see many of the other lab rats having to fight them off.”

“I’m sure they have their reasons.”

Rachel’s jaw dropped. “You know why, don’t you? Tell me!”

“Sorry, can’t. The secret isn’t mine to tell.”

“C’mon, please. Give me something. A hint. Anything.”

“I take secrets very seriously,” Casi said. “Besides, the reason they’re after him is, to quote you, utterly irrelevant.”

Rachel glared at her.

“What you should be asking,” Casi said, “is – why isn’t he, and every other guy on campus, making you beat them off with a stick?”

It took a lot to get Rachel angry, but Casi was treading on dangerous ground. They were part of a larger group that hung out together, but the two of them weren’t all that close.

“That’s enough,” Rachel said.

“I’m being serious,” Casi said. “I hate that you’re sitting over here pining after some guy when he should be waiting by the phone just on the off chance that you might call.”

“Uh-huh. Right.”

“Rachel, I mean it. Underneath your carefully cultivated frumpiness, you have the potential to be quite the hottie.”

“Get off it!”

“I won’t,” Casi said. “Not until you listen to me.”

“If you really believe that bullshit you’re spewing, you need to have your eyes checked. I‘m enormous. Huge. Fat!”

“You’re not fat!”

Rachel fixed her with a glare.

“You’re, maybe, a little over your ideal weight,” Casi said. “But a lot of that settled in your chest, and, believe me, guys like that.”

Rachel’s eyes darted all around. She turned her head to look.

“What are you doing?” Casi asked.

“Looking for all the guys lined up around the block to ask me out.”

Casi rolled her eyes. “You could do more to encourage them, you know, starting with wearing clothes that flatter your figure.”

“I could never go around dressed like …” Rachel’s eyes darted over at Casi.

Short shorts sat low on the curve of her hips, revealing a vast expanse of her long, tan legs and more than a little bit of her midriff not being covered by a top that was so tight that the outline of her bra was clearly visible. Rachel was scandalized at the thought of baring that much cleavage, too. She didn’t even know they made tank tops with deep v-necks.

The thing was, though, that the attire was completely normal. It was like all the other girls on campus shopped at the same place.

“Like who?” Casi asked. “Me? It’s okay for you to say it.”

“I’m not saying that how you dress is wrong, but it’s not for me. I couldn’t wear clothes that show off so much cleavage or my shape and legs like that. Ugh, imagine my stomach being out there like that!” Rachel shook her head. “How do you do it? Handle all the stares, I mean.”

“It’s not that big a deal. Guys are so used to it that they just give most girls a brief glance.” Casi sounded disappointed. “When guys really check me out, though, I like it. It makes me feel pretty and special. The absolute best sex that Brad and I have had has been after he’s shown me off.”

“Ugh, Casi! TMI.”

“The point is that there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to decorate your arm with some damn fine man candy.”

Rachel shut her eyes for a moment. She pointed to her head. “In here, I know that you’re right. It’s probable that not every guy I meet finds me to be hideous, and, even if they all did, relationships are supposed to be about more than just looks.”

“Yeah. They’re supposed to be about sex. Lots of hot, steamy, public sex.”

Rachel glared at her. “I’m trying to be serious here.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

Rachel pointed to her heart. “In here, though, I’m fat and ugly and no guy is ever going to get past that to give me a chance to show him my positive qualities.”

“Exactly! You just need more confidence.”

“You say that like it’s so easy.”

“It is!”

“Obviously, it isn’t,” Rachel said, “or I would have more of it than I do.”

“How many clubs are you in?”

Rachel didn’t see how that had any bearing on the subject, but she also didn’t see the harm in answering. “Five.”

“And in how many of those do you serve in some sort of leadership capacity?”

“Five. But-”

“In class,” Casi said, “do you speak up or sit on your hands?”

“Participation is part of the grade so-”

“What about when other students disagree with you?” Casi asked. “Do you just meekly shut up without countering their arguments?”

“Of course not!”

“What about that time the guy at McDonald’s messed up your order? Remember that? You told him what he did wrong, and he was all like, ‘What does it matter if it has mustard on it?’ His friends heard and laughed. Some girls would have just walked away from that intimidating group of guys, all taller than you, but you stood your ground. You stayed polite, but you quite firmly told him exactly what he could do with his mustard.”

“So?”

“You’re a smart, strong, intelligent woman. A confident woman.”

Rachel face heated at the praise.

“There’s one area, though, where you’re the complete opposite,” Casi said.

Rachel glanced down at her clothes, denim shorts that stopped a few inches short of her knees and a loose-fitting, button down shirt. The way the clothes hung, no one would even know she had curves.

“Yes,” Casi said. “Your body. When you stand in front of your closet about to get dressed, what happens to that awesome, smart, strong, powerful woman I admire so much?”

“She’s hidden under fifty pounds of lard!”

“Utterly irrelevant,” Casi said. “I know much bigger girls who date a whole lot more than you, who are, in fact, quite happy with their love life.”

Rachel frowned. That wouldn’t take much. Going out with a guy once would be one more date than she’d ever been on.

“Hiding yourself under clothes that could double as a tent isn’t doing you any favors,” Casi said.

“Great. The solution to all my problems is to dress like a slut. Show more skin and I’ll get a guy. Maybe I don’t want one that badly!”

“That’s not what I’m saying!”

“Sure sounded like it.”

“A lot of it is your own attitude,” Casi said. “Tell me, when you step out of the shower and look at yourself in the mirror, do you think, ‘Now that’s an attractive, sexy woman?’”

Ugh. Rachel couldn’t think of anything she’d rather do less than look at herself naked. She made sure the mirror was good and fogged up before she got anywhere near it and dressed before she wiped it clear. She was positive most guys would feel the same way.

Casi shook her head. “If you don’t see yourself as attractive and sexy, how do you expect a guy to?”

“I don’t!”

“You’re going to be happy living alone for the rest of your life? If that’s what you want, fine. I’ll leave you alone.”

“Maybe I want a guy to like me for who I am, not how I look.”

“Yeah,” Casi said. “ And how’s that working out for you?”

Rachel glared at her.

“I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry.”

They sat in silence for a moment.

“I meant that apology,” Casi said. “Do you forgive me?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because you’re a smart, strong, intelligent, confident woman who is currently miserable, and I’d rather you be a smart, strong, intelligent, confident woman who is happy.”

Rachel huffed. “That’s not fair.”

“What?”

“You being sweet and saying nice things about me when I’m trying to stay mad at you.”

Casi grinned. “My evil plan is working.”

Rachel tried to purse her lips, but they shaped themselves into a smile without her permission.

“Look,” Casi said, “I understand what you mean. You want to be loved because of who you are, not for superficial reasons. I get that. Totally. And the right guy absolutely will love you for the right reasons.”

Rachel hung her head. “But that right guy will never get the chance to get to know all those right reasons if there’s nothing to draw him to me in the first place.”

“See, I told you that you were smart.”

Rachel turned her head away. Tears welled up, but she choked them back. “So we’re back to dressing slutty.”

Which she wouldn’t do. Couldn’t do. Even if it meant her being alone forever.

“We’re back to you needing to feel attractive, yes,” Casi said. “Answer me this, when you’re all dressed up for a nice night on the town, how do you feel?”

Rachel frowned. Of course she felt nice when she was wearing her best clothes. Every girl did. “I shouldn’t have to change in order to get a guy to like me.”

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?”

“You hear me,” Casi said. “Bullshit. You’re using that as an excuse because you’re afraid of change.”

“Where do you get off thinking you know me?”

“Because I was you!” Casi shouted.

Huh?

“When I was fifteen, my breasts had only recently developed, and I was terrified of the guys seeing anything of my form. I even wore shirts and shorts to the swimming pool.” Casi fell silent.

Rachel waited for a moment but still nothing. Despite knowing that it was just a ploy to make her more interested, she couldn’t help being interested. “Are you going to make me beg to hear the rest?”

“I’ll tell you if you take off your shirt and hand it to me. Right here. Right now.”

Rachel wore nothing besides a bra beneath her top. No way was she doing that. Not with all the people looking. Not even if there were no one around.

“You should see your face right now. It’s priceless!” Casi laughed.

Rachel glared at her. “Are you going to tell me or are you going to leave me hanging?”

“Brad.”

“What?”

“He’s what changed.” Casi chuckled. “That awful, terrible, wonderful man. One day, he convinced me to take a chance, to step outside what I would normally do. And I won’t lie to you. At first, it was the most scary, miserable, terrible thing that had ever happened to me. I was embarrassed, and I hated it. The results, though, made it worth it. My life is so much better now than it would be if I hadn’t taken that hard first step.”

“But …”

“Rachel, the fact of life is that guys need to be stimulated visually. Period. You have a great body. I’d bet that those melons you’re struggling to hide under those ginormous shirts are even bigger than mine, and you’ve got a cute face. A little makeup and the right haircut, and you’d have the boys falling all over you.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“No. It’s the truth, and minor changes in your dress and your appearance do not change who you are. These things make it easier to get into a position for a guy to get to know you better, but making a connection with him depends solely on who you are.”

“Even if I wanted to change,” Rachel said, “I wouldn’t have a clue how to go about it.”

“I could help. And I’m willing to help. If …”

Rachel swallowed. “If what?”

“Two conditions. First, you have to be doing it for the right reason.”

“What’s the right reason?”

“Well …” Casi gestured at Mike, still studying in the quad. “Having a better chance of landing a particular guy is definitely the wrong reason. In fact, that’s the worst possible reason.”

Rachel nodded.

“Good,” Casi said. “I’m glad you agree.”

“So what’s the right reason?”

“Recognizing that you’re unhappy and that it’s time to do something about it instead of wallowing in your misery. Understanding that, to get what you want, you’re going to have to make a change in your life.”

Rachel grimaced. None of that sounded easy. At all. “And the other condition?”

“Second, you have to be absolutely, one hundred percent committed to letting me help you.”

“What exactly would I be committing to?”

“A small group of us are going skiing for a week over winter break,” Casi said. “I propose that you come with us.”

“There’s got to be more to it than that.”

A wide smile split Casi’s face. “Oh, there is …”

Rachel could tell that she wasn’t going to like what was coming next. Really, really wasn’t going to like it.

“For that entire week,” Casi said, “you have to do anything and everything I tell you to do.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

Rachel turned away and stared out the window. The prospect of letting anyone have that kind of control over her terrified her, not the least of which because, given the context of their conversation, she thought she might have an inkling about the kinds of things ‘anything’ would entail.

It was possible, though, that she was being given the opportunity of a lifetime. That taking this one big, scary step would put her on a path to true happiness. Or Casi could just be an evil bitch who wanted to subject Rachel to as much humiliation as possible.

“Why on earth would I agree to something like that?” Rachel asked.

“Exactly. Why would you? I refer you back to Condition One.”

Rachel sighed. There was no way she turn over control of herself like that, but she felt the need to at least consider it. “I’m going to have to sleep on it.”

“Great idea,” Casi said. “Call me tomorrow.”

Chapter Two

Rachel agonized about her decision all evening. She went back and forth, feeling like an idiot no matter which way she leaned.

Given the subject matter they’d discussed – tight clothes, making herself attractive to guys – Casi seemed ready to ask her to do things that Rachel would find unbelievably embarrassing. What if she had to wear her underwear in front of a guy? Show off her mammoth breasts or protruding stomach?

No way! Her hands shook at the very thought of it.

Casi was perfectly capable and probably willing to demand just such a thing. Putting oneself under the control of someone who was capable of demanding such a thing was a stupid idea. Foolish. It made no sense.

On the other hand, Casi was right about one thing.

Rachel sighed. She definitely wasn’t very happy with her life at the moment. Sure, she had friends, and school was going well. But she was also at the point of whimpering whenever she saw couples canoodling in the quad. She’d give just about anything, sacrifice anything, to find that one special person, whether it was Mike or not, who cared solely for her, who would love her.

That was the question, right? What would she give? Was she willing to sacrifice her dignity for a chance?

Was she willing to strike the ‘just about?’”

Was she willing to do anything?

Sleep did not come easily for her that night, and she didn’t reach a final decision until rolling out of bed the next morning. Before she could change her mind, she called Casi. “I’d have to agree to anything you said, right? No questions?”

“Correct.”

“There’s no way we could negotiate some boundaries first? Set up some ground rules?”

“Nope.”

Rachel had been afraid that would be the answer, had in fact pretty much been convinced that that would be the answer. She hated that it left her with no choice. “I think your offer came from the best possible place, and, maybe I’m making a huge mistake, I can’t do that. Sorry.”

She hung up.

 

Chapter Three

The next day, Friday, Rachel moped through her morning classes, disappointed in herself for letting her fear control her. Casi’s offer might have been exactly the thing she needed.

Then again, it could also have just been a sadistic joke.

At lunch, Rachel sat at the same table as the previous day and turned over the lettuce on her plate, not really feeling like eating. If she really thought the offer was all some big con to humiliate her, she wouldn’t have felt so awful about turning it down.

She stared out the window, a part of her hoping to spot Mike studying in the quad again. No such luck. She kept watch anyway and again failed to notice when someone joined her.

When she looked this time, though, it was Mike who joined her.

“God, it’s been a horrible week,” he said, taking a seat across from her. “Three tests and a major project due. And it’s not over yet. Still have one paper I have to finish this weekend.”

She nodded, too stunned to talk. It wasn’t like they never chatted, but he didn’t normally join her, alone, at her table out of the blue, either.

“I’m taking tonight off,” he said. “No studying. No writing papers. No worrying about all the crap I have left to do.”

“Great minds think alike,” she said. “Back to the grind tomorrow afternoon.”

“You’re lucky. I plan to get up early in the morning and hit the library.”

“I didn’t say I was sleeping in.” She sighed. “Habitat for Humanity.”

“Oh. Well, that’s a good cause, at least.”

“Yeah, cause it’s not like my getting enough sleep is one.”

He laughed. “True.”

Rachel was about to take a bite of her salad but paused. She hated people watching her eat, especially if she was the only one doing it. He probably wouldn’t actually be judging her or anything, and she was eating healthy and all. But she couldn’t help but be self-conscious. “Were you going to grab some food?”

“Nah,” he said. “I was just passing through and saw a friendly face.”

She looked from side to side as if looking for who he was talking about.

Mike grinned. “Anyway, I’ll leave you to your lunch.” He stood. “Hey, since you’re not studying tonight, what are your plans?”

“Uh … not much. Maybe hit the intramural center?” The place was practically empty on a Friday night, making it a great time to work out.

“You like classic sci fi movies, right?”

“Depends. How classic?” She’d never been into black and whites. The Day the Earth Stood Still was really good, but most of the really old stuff just didn’t engage her.

“Dune.”

“Loved the movie, even if it wasn’t quite as true to the source material as it could have been. The mini-series … not so much.”

“Definitely the movie, though I liked the mini-series.”

Rachel shrugged. She had no idea where he was going with this.

“Want to come over and watch with me?” he asked. “More fun with two.”

Her heart pounded at the prospect of the two of them spending time alone together. “Sure. I guess.”

“You don’t have a car, right?”

She nodded.

“How about I swing by your dorm around six? We can grab a bite to eat first.”

“Uh …”

There were so many things wrong with his suggestion. First, there was her hatred of eating in front of people. Then, there was the whole money thing, mainly that she had almost none. And, finally, worst of all, that would feel way too much like a date, which she was sure was not at all how he intended it. She didn’t know if she could handle going on a not date with him.

“I don’t mind paying,” he said.

“Mike, I don’t … I mean …” Ugh. She didn’t know how to turn him down without embarrassing herself. “Uh …”

“Wait,” he said. “I’m being rude, aren’t I? You’re probably not comfortable with someone else paying for you, and you’re trying to be good about staying on your budget, right? And I’m being a jerk by pressuring you.”

Taken by surprise, she gave a slight nod.

“I am so sorry,” he said.

She’d never had a guy apologize for offering to buy her a meal. Then again, she’d never had a guy offer to buy her a meal in the first place. “You’re not a jerk at all, but I do appreciate that you understand.” One of the three reasons, anyway, and she certainly wasn’t about to mention the other two.

“Unless my boorish behavior has completely turned you off me, I can pick you up at seven instead?”

“Seven would be perfect. Thank you.”

He smiled, and her heart melted a little bit.

“Awesome. See you then.”

And just like that, he left. She stared after him, watching his butt a little too closely. It was a good thing he didn’t turn around to wave or anything.

Then, it hit her. She’d just agreed to spend the evening with him. With Mike. The boy she had a major crush on.

She felt like she was going to throw up. What should she wear? How should she act?

What had she done?